Of course, it is never one's fault. It is always someone else. That is human nature. American mask of moral high ground was torn after 911 with Abu Gharaib and then the granting of power to Bush for detention of foreign national who he deemed to be terrorists. The news below now illustrates how it shifts blames on others. It is akin to trying to plant a tropical fruit in the tundras and blaming the tundra for not supporting the growth of that fruit.
As Iraq Deteriorates, Iraqis Get More BlameU.S. Officials, Lawmakers Change Tone
By Thomas E. Ricks and Robin
WrightWashington Post Staff WritersWednesday, November 29, 2006; A01
From troops on the ground to members of Congress, Americans increasingly blame the continuing violence and destruction in Iraq on the people most affected by it: the Iraqis.
Even Democrats who have criticized the Bush administration's conduct of the occupation say the people and government of Iraq are not doing enough to rebuild their society. The White House is putting pressure on the government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, and members of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group have debated how much to blame Iraqis for not performing civic duties.
This marks a shift in tone from earlier debate about the responsibility of the United States to restore order after the 2003 invasion, and it seemed to gain currency in October, when sectarian violence surged. Some see the talk of blame as the beginning of the end of U.S. involvement.
"It is the first manifestation of a 'Who lost Iraq?' argument that will likely rage for years to come," said Bruce Hoffman, a Georgetown University expert on terrorism who has worked as a U.S. government consultant in Iraq.
Americans and Iraqis are increasingly seeing the situation in different terms, said retired Army Col. Jeffrey D. McCausland , who recently returned from a visit to Iraq. "We're just talking past each other," he said, adding that Americans are psychologically edging toward the door that leads to disengagement. "We're arguing about 'cut and run' versus 'cut and jog.' "
Iraqis' role in their own suffering has been an issue since shortly after the fall of Saddam Hussein in April 2003, when looters ransacked the national museum and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld dismissed it by saying, "Stuff happens." But more than three years later, with schools and hospitals struggling, electrical service faltering, and police and government agencies infiltrated by sectarian death squads, the question of blame is more urgent.
For example, a Nov. 15 meeting of the Senate Armed Services Committee turned into a festival of bipartisan Iraqi-bashing.
"We should put the responsibility for Iraq's future squarely where it belongs -- on the Iraqis," began Sen. Carl M. Levin (D-Mich.), the committee's next chairman. "We cannot save the Iraqis from themselves." He has advocated announcing that U.S. troops are going to withdraw as a way of pressuring Iraqi politicians to find compromises.
Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) followed by noting: "People in South Carolina come up to me in increasing numbers and suggest that no matter what we do in Iraq, the Iraqis are incapable of solving their own problems through the political process and will resort to violence, and we need to get the hell out of there."
"We all want them to succeed," agreed Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Ind.). "We all want them to be able to stabilize their country with the assistance that we've provided them." But, he added, "too often they seem unable or unwilling to do that."
Later the same day, members of the House Armed Services Committee took their turn. "If the Iraqis are determined and decide to destroy themselves and their country, I don't know how in the world we're going to stop them," said Rep. Robin Hayes (R-N.C.).
Iraqi Ambassador Samir Sumaidaie said he worries about the growing chorus of official voices blaming Iraq, and suggested that a little introspection on the U.S. side could help.
"I am indeed concerned about this trend," he said in an interview. "The U.S. through its actions and omissions has helped to create the current conditions in Iraq. Therefore the U.S. also bears responsibility in putting right the situation."
It isn't just politicians who have decided that the problem with Iraq is the Iraqis. In the military establishment, said Joseph J. Collins, a professor at the National Defense University, "there is lots of disappointment in the performance of Iraqi officials of all stripes."
Thomas Donnelly, a hawkish defense expert at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, said he considers blame a legitimate issue. "Ultimately, just like success rests with the Iraqis, so does failure," he said. "We've made a lot of mistakes, but we've paid a huge price to give the Iraqis a chance at a decent future."
The blame game has also been playing out somewhat divisively within the secretive Iraq Study Group. The bipartisan commission, led by former secretary of state James A. Baker III and former congressman Lee H. Hamilton (D-Ind.), is deliberating policy recommendations to put forward next month.
"I'm tired of nit-picking over how we should bully the Iraqis into becoming better citizens of their own country," former CIA Middle East expert Ray Close wrote in an e-mail to the other advisers to the study group.
Several other experts of various political stripes said this tendency to dump on Baghdad feels like a preamble to withdrawal.
"It's their fault, and by implication not ours, is clearly a theme that's in the air," said retired Army Col. Andrew J. Bacevich, a Vietnam veteran and longtime skeptic of the war in Iraq. It reminds him, he said, of the sour last days of the Vietnam War, when "there was a tendency to blame everything on the 'gooks' -- meaning our South Vietnamese allies who had disappointed us."
"People never understood the culture and the challenges that we faced in trying to build a new Iraq," a senior U.S. intelligence official said. "There's incredible frustration . . . but it also shows a great deal of ignorance."
"Definitely," said Paul Rieckhoff, who served in Iraq as an Army officer in 2003-2004 and went on to found a veterans group critical of the conduct of the war. "It is growing into an angry, scolding tone." He said he finds it "sad" -- "especially after all the talk of our mission to 'save the Iraqis.' "
The long-term effect of blaming Iraqis also could be poisonous, said Juan Cole, a University of Michigan specialist in Middle Eastern issues. He predicted that it will "infuriate the Iraqis and worsen further the future relationship of the two countries."
The turning point in the blame game seems to have occurred in early October, when both Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Sen. John W. Warner (R-Va.) went public with their frustrations, warning the Baghdad government that it must do much more much faster. Warner suggested that the United States should explore a "change of course" if security had not improved within 90 days.
During a surprise visit to Baghdad on Oct. 5, Rice said with uncharacteristic bluntness that the security situation was not helped by "political inaction."
The Bush administration hoped the long-delayed formation of a government, which took about five months after the Dec. 15 election last year, would produce more initiative by Baghdad. But the security and political situation continued to deteriorate, so the administration increased the pressure on Maliki's government. Over the past three months, U.S. officials and foreign diplomats said, senior U.S. military and administration officials visiting Baghdad have conveyed the same message: Get on with it.
"Our role is not to resolve those issues for them," Rice told reporters last month after pressing Maliki to be bolder about disbanding militias and reconciling sectarian differences. "They are going to have to resolve those issues among themselves."
Blaming Iraqis for the woeful situation disregards recent history, some experts argue. Phebe Marr, an Iraq expert and adviser to the Iraq Study Group, calculates that because of policy missteps and other errors, the United States bears about 60 percent of the blame. "You can't say, 'We did this and the Iraqis didn't rise to the occasion,' " she said. "There's enough blame to go around."
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Human suffering caused by a "divine" mission
When seasoned politicians delve in the international affairs, there are unexpected consequences to be observed. When a neophyte gets the helm of the "decider" and claim divine guidance and mission, then the result if nothing less than disastrous. The two clips below from the same newspaper issue illustrates the point with the fracturing of families and societies in two different places because of a war.
Baghdad Braces For More Reprisals
Cellphones and Web Spread Threats, Fear
By Sudarsan Raghavan and Nancy Trejos
Washington Post Foreign ServiceSunday, November 26, 2006; Page A01
BAGHDAD, Nov. 25 -- In the aftermath of one of the deadliest spasms of violence, a new level of fear and foreboding has gripped Baghdad, fueled in part by sectarian text messages and Internet sites, deepening tensions in an already divided capital.
In interviews across Baghdad on Saturday, Sunnis and Shiites said they were preparing themselves for upheaval, both violent and psychological. They viewed the bombings that killed more than 200 people Thursday in the heart of Baghdad's Shiite Muslim community of Sadr City as a trigger for more reprisal killings.
"We feel our world has become narrow, and we are being squeezed," said Karar al-Zuheari, 31, a Shiite taxi driver. "We have no place to run."
Since those attacks, quasi-armies of residents in mixed and majority-Sunni Arab neighborhoods have formed to protect their streets. Sunni Web sites are offering advice on how to kill Shiite militiamen. College students and executives pace at their homes, clutching rifles and handguns around the clock. Iraqis are posting pleas on Internet message boards to buy extra ammunition and weapons.
Despite a government-imposed curfew, Iraqis described Shiite militiamen murdering Sunnis at checkpoints, controlling neighborhoods with impunity and conspiring with Iraq's majority-Shiite police force, which the Interior Ministry controls. Other Iraqis spoke of mortar shells raining on their mosques and gun battles outside their houses, deepening their mistrust of Iraq's security forces and elected politicians....
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/25/AR2006112500253.html
Long Stints in Iraq Fracture Families
3rd Infantry Division Will Be the First Deployed for a Third Year-Long Tour
By Ann Scott Tyson
Washington Post Staff WriterSunday, November 26, 2006; Page A01
FORT STEWART, Ga. -- As a gray dawn broke, hundreds of 3rd Infantry Division soldiers gathered on a Georgia marching ground this month and listened to a long list of names of fallen comrades. Taps rose mournfully above rows of young redbud trees planted for each of the division's 317 soldiers who have died in Iraq...
Strained Relationships
In the living room of his Savannah home, Capt. Thom Frohnhoefer tumbled with his daughter Maggie, 2, as she jangled and waved his metal dog tags.
"She's the one I had after the first deployment," Frohnhoefer said. "It will be harder this time because she knows Daddy is leaving."
From courtship to parenting to divorce, the time away at war is having a profound impact on the families of active-duty soldiers, according to interviews with dozens of soldiers from the 3rd Infantry Division and their relatives. The division spearheaded the U.S. invasion of Iraq in March 2003 and returned for a second, year-long tour in January 2005.
For 1st Brigade soldiers such as Frohnhoefer, having children poses a wrenching choice: Leave your wife alone in pregnancy and birth, or miss your newborn's first year.
Frohnhoefer and several others in his brigade opted to start pregnancies soon after returning in January, creating a mini baby boom. Frohnhoefer's second daughter, Haley, was born three weeks ago. Another soldier in the unit had a baby last week.
Baghdad Braces For More Reprisals
Cellphones and Web Spread Threats, Fear
By Sudarsan Raghavan and Nancy Trejos
Washington Post Foreign ServiceSunday, November 26, 2006; Page A01
BAGHDAD, Nov. 25 -- In the aftermath of one of the deadliest spasms of violence, a new level of fear and foreboding has gripped Baghdad, fueled in part by sectarian text messages and Internet sites, deepening tensions in an already divided capital.
In interviews across Baghdad on Saturday, Sunnis and Shiites said they were preparing themselves for upheaval, both violent and psychological. They viewed the bombings that killed more than 200 people Thursday in the heart of Baghdad's Shiite Muslim community of Sadr City as a trigger for more reprisal killings.
"We feel our world has become narrow, and we are being squeezed," said Karar al-Zuheari, 31, a Shiite taxi driver. "We have no place to run."
Since those attacks, quasi-armies of residents in mixed and majority-Sunni Arab neighborhoods have formed to protect their streets. Sunni Web sites are offering advice on how to kill Shiite militiamen. College students and executives pace at their homes, clutching rifles and handguns around the clock. Iraqis are posting pleas on Internet message boards to buy extra ammunition and weapons.
Despite a government-imposed curfew, Iraqis described Shiite militiamen murdering Sunnis at checkpoints, controlling neighborhoods with impunity and conspiring with Iraq's majority-Shiite police force, which the Interior Ministry controls. Other Iraqis spoke of mortar shells raining on their mosques and gun battles outside their houses, deepening their mistrust of Iraq's security forces and elected politicians....
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/25/AR2006112500253.html
Long Stints in Iraq Fracture Families
3rd Infantry Division Will Be the First Deployed for a Third Year-Long Tour
By Ann Scott Tyson
Washington Post Staff WriterSunday, November 26, 2006; Page A01
FORT STEWART, Ga. -- As a gray dawn broke, hundreds of 3rd Infantry Division soldiers gathered on a Georgia marching ground this month and listened to a long list of names of fallen comrades. Taps rose mournfully above rows of young redbud trees planted for each of the division's 317 soldiers who have died in Iraq...
Strained Relationships
In the living room of his Savannah home, Capt. Thom Frohnhoefer tumbled with his daughter Maggie, 2, as she jangled and waved his metal dog tags.
"She's the one I had after the first deployment," Frohnhoefer said. "It will be harder this time because she knows Daddy is leaving."
From courtship to parenting to divorce, the time away at war is having a profound impact on the families of active-duty soldiers, according to interviews with dozens of soldiers from the 3rd Infantry Division and their relatives. The division spearheaded the U.S. invasion of Iraq in March 2003 and returned for a second, year-long tour in January 2005.
For 1st Brigade soldiers such as Frohnhoefer, having children poses a wrenching choice: Leave your wife alone in pregnancy and birth, or miss your newborn's first year.
Frohnhoefer and several others in his brigade opted to start pregnancies soon after returning in January, creating a mini baby boom. Frohnhoefer's second daughter, Haley, was born three weeks ago. Another soldier in the unit had a baby last week.
Changing times for young kids
This was an interesting news to soak in. Certainly it is something that will cause social issues later on in the developed societies, but this trend probably is also present to a certain extent in other societies although not to the same degree.
'Tweens' are fast becoming the new teens
By MARTHA IRVINE, AP National Writer Sat Nov 25, 6:46 PM ET
Zach Plante is close with his parents — he plays baseball with them and, on weekends, helps with work in the small vineyard they keep at their northern California home.
Lately, though, his parents have begun to notice subtle changes in their son. Among other things, he's announced that he wants to grow his hair longer — and sometimes greets his father with "Yo, Dad!"
"Little comments will come out of his mouth that have a bit of that teen swagger," says Tom Plante, Zach's dad.
Thing is, Zach isn't a teen. He's 10 years old — one part, a fun-loving fifth-grader who likes to watch the Animal Planet network and play with his dog and pet gecko, the other a soon-to-be middle schooler who wants an iPod.
In some ways, it's simply part of a kid's natural journey toward independence. But child development experts say that physical and behavioral changes that would have been typical of teenagers decades ago are now common among "tweens" — kids ages 8 to 12.
Some of them are going on "dates" and talking on their own cell phones. They listen to sexually charged pop music, play mature-rated video games and spend time gossiping on MySpace. And more girls are wearing makeup and clothing that some consider beyond their years.
Zach is starting to notice it in his friends, too, especially the way they treat their parents.
"A lot of kids can sometimes be annoyed by their parents," he says. "If I'm playing with them at one of their houses, then they kind of ignore their parents. If their parents do them a favor, they might just say, 'OK,' but not notice that much."
The shift that's turning tweens into the new teens is complex — and worrisome to parents and some professionals who deal with children. They wonder if kids are equipped to handle the thorny issues that come with the adolescent world.
"I'm sure this isn't the first time in history people have been talking about it. But I definitely feel like these kids are growing up faster — and I'm not sure it's always a good thing," says Dr. Liz Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. She's been in practice for 16 years and has noticed a gradual but undeniable change in attitude in that time.
She and others who study and treat children say the reasons it's happening are both physical and social.
Several published studies have found, for instance, that some tweens' bodies are developing faster, with more girls starting menstruation in elementary school — a result doctors often attribute to improved nutrition and, in some cases, obesity. While boys are still being studied, the findings about girls have caused some endocrinologists to lower the limits of early breast development to first or second grade.
Along with that, even young children are having to deal with peer pressure and other societal influences.
Beyond the drugs, sex and rock'n'roll their boomer and Gen X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may or may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be relegated to late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.
And many tweens model what they see, including common plot lines "where the kids are really running the house, not the dysfunctional parents," says Plante, who in addition to being Zach's dad is a psychology professor at Santa Clara University in California's Silicon Valley.
He sees the results of all these factors in his private practice frequently.
Kids look and dress older. They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult humor, even when their parents try to shield them. And sometimes, he says, parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits — in essence, handing over power to their kids.
"You get this kind of perfect storm of variables that would suggest that, yes, kids are becoming teens at an earlier age," Plante says.
Natalie Wickstrom, a 10-year-old in suburban Atlanta, says girls her age sometimes wear clothes that are "a little inappropriate." She describes how one friend tied her shirt to show her stomach and "liked to dance, like in rap videos."
Girls in her class also talk about not only liking but "having relationships" with boys.
"There's no rules, no limitations to what they can do," says Natalie, who's also in fifth grade.
Her mom, Billie Wickstrom, says the teen-like behavior of her daughter's peers, influences her daughter — as does parents' willingness to allow it.
"Some parents make it hard on those of us who are trying to hold their kids back a bit," she says.
So far, she and her husband have resisted letting Natalie get her ears pierced, something many of her friends have already done. Now Natalie is lobbying hard for a cell phone and also wants an iPod.
"Sometimes I just think that maybe, if I got one of these things, I could talk about what they talk about," Natalie says of the kids she deems the "popular ones."
It's an age-old issue. Kids want to fit in — and younger kids want to be like older kids.
But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher — with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Earlier this year, that point hit home when federal officials recommended a vaccine for HPV — a common STD that can lead to cervical cancer — for girls as young as age 9.
"Physically, they're adults, but cognitively, they're children," says Alderman, the physician in New York. She's found that cultural influences have affected her own children, too.
Earlier this year, her 12-year-old son heard the popular pop song "Promiscuous" and asked her what the word meant.
"I mean, it's OK to have that conversation, but when it's constantly playing, it normalizes it," Alderman says.
She observes that parents sometimes gravitate to one of two ill-advised extremes — they're either horrified by such questions from their kids, or they "revel" in the teen-like behavior. As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it's cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as "hottie" on the back.
"Believe me, I'm a very open-minded person. But it promotes a certain way of thinking about girls and their back sides," Alderman says. "A 12-year-old isn't sexy."
With grown-up influences coming from so many different angles — from peers to the Internet and TV — some parents say the trend is difficult to combat.
Claire Unterseher, a mother in Chicago, says she only allows her children — including an 8-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter — to watch public television.
And yet, already, they're coming home from school asking to download songs she considers more appropriate for teens.
"I think I bought my first Abba single when I was 13 or 14 — and here my 7-year-old wants me to download Kelly Clarkson all the time," Unterseher says. "Why are they so interested in all this adult stuff?"
Part of it, experts say, is marketing — and tweens are much-sought-after consumers.
Advertisers have found that, increasingly, children and teens are influencing the buying decisions in their households — from cars to computers and family vacations. According to 360 Youth, an umbrella organization for various youth marketing groups, tweens represent $51 billion worth of annual spending power on their own from gifts and allowance, and also have a great deal of say about the additional $170 billion spent directly on them each year.
Toymakers also have picked up on tweens' interest in older themes and developed toy lines to meet the demand — from dolls known as Bratz to video games with more violence.
Diane Levin, a professor of human development and early childhood at Wheelock College in Boston, is among those who've taken aim at toys deemed too violent or sexual.
"We've crossed a line. We can no longer avoid it — it's just so in our face," says Levin, author of the upcoming book "So Sexy So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood."
Earlier this year, she and others from a group known as the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood successfully pressured toy maker Hasbro to drop plans for a line of children's toys modeled after the singing group Pussycat Dolls.
Other parents, including Clyde Otis III, are trying their own methods.
An attorney with a background in music publishing, Otis has compiled a line of CDs called "Music Talking" that includes classic oldies he believes are interesting to tweens, but age appropriate. Artists include Aretha Franklin, Rose Royce and Blessid Union of Souls.
"I don't want to be like a prude. But some of the stuff out there, it's just out of control sometimes," says Otis, a father of three from Maplewood, N.J.
"Beyonce singing about bouncing her butt all over the place is a little much — at least for an 8-year-old."
In the end, many parents find it tricky to strike a balance between setting limits and allowing their kids to be more independent.
Plante, in California, discovered that a few weeks ago when he and Zach rode bikes to school, as the two of them have done since the first day of kindergarten.
"You know, dad, you don't have to bike to school with me anymore," Zach said.
Plante was taken aback.
"It was a poignant moment," he says. "There was this notion of being embarrassed of having parents be too close."
Since then, Zach has been riding by himself — a big step in his dad's mind.
"Of course, it is hard to let go, but we all need to do so in various ways over time," Plante says, "as long as we do it thoughtfully and lovingly, I suppose."
'Tweens' are fast becoming the new teens
By MARTHA IRVINE, AP National Writer Sat Nov 25, 6:46 PM ET
Zach Plante is close with his parents — he plays baseball with them and, on weekends, helps with work in the small vineyard they keep at their northern California home.
Lately, though, his parents have begun to notice subtle changes in their son. Among other things, he's announced that he wants to grow his hair longer — and sometimes greets his father with "Yo, Dad!"
"Little comments will come out of his mouth that have a bit of that teen swagger," says Tom Plante, Zach's dad.
Thing is, Zach isn't a teen. He's 10 years old — one part, a fun-loving fifth-grader who likes to watch the Animal Planet network and play with his dog and pet gecko, the other a soon-to-be middle schooler who wants an iPod.
In some ways, it's simply part of a kid's natural journey toward independence. But child development experts say that physical and behavioral changes that would have been typical of teenagers decades ago are now common among "tweens" — kids ages 8 to 12.
Some of them are going on "dates" and talking on their own cell phones. They listen to sexually charged pop music, play mature-rated video games and spend time gossiping on MySpace. And more girls are wearing makeup and clothing that some consider beyond their years.
Zach is starting to notice it in his friends, too, especially the way they treat their parents.
"A lot of kids can sometimes be annoyed by their parents," he says. "If I'm playing with them at one of their houses, then they kind of ignore their parents. If their parents do them a favor, they might just say, 'OK,' but not notice that much."
The shift that's turning tweens into the new teens is complex — and worrisome to parents and some professionals who deal with children. They wonder if kids are equipped to handle the thorny issues that come with the adolescent world.
"I'm sure this isn't the first time in history people have been talking about it. But I definitely feel like these kids are growing up faster — and I'm not sure it's always a good thing," says Dr. Liz Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. She's been in practice for 16 years and has noticed a gradual but undeniable change in attitude in that time.
She and others who study and treat children say the reasons it's happening are both physical and social.
Several published studies have found, for instance, that some tweens' bodies are developing faster, with more girls starting menstruation in elementary school — a result doctors often attribute to improved nutrition and, in some cases, obesity. While boys are still being studied, the findings about girls have caused some endocrinologists to lower the limits of early breast development to first or second grade.
Along with that, even young children are having to deal with peer pressure and other societal influences.
Beyond the drugs, sex and rock'n'roll their boomer and Gen X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may or may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be relegated to late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.
And many tweens model what they see, including common plot lines "where the kids are really running the house, not the dysfunctional parents," says Plante, who in addition to being Zach's dad is a psychology professor at Santa Clara University in California's Silicon Valley.
He sees the results of all these factors in his private practice frequently.
Kids look and dress older. They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult humor, even when their parents try to shield them. And sometimes, he says, parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits — in essence, handing over power to their kids.
"You get this kind of perfect storm of variables that would suggest that, yes, kids are becoming teens at an earlier age," Plante says.
Natalie Wickstrom, a 10-year-old in suburban Atlanta, says girls her age sometimes wear clothes that are "a little inappropriate." She describes how one friend tied her shirt to show her stomach and "liked to dance, like in rap videos."
Girls in her class also talk about not only liking but "having relationships" with boys.
"There's no rules, no limitations to what they can do," says Natalie, who's also in fifth grade.
Her mom, Billie Wickstrom, says the teen-like behavior of her daughter's peers, influences her daughter — as does parents' willingness to allow it.
"Some parents make it hard on those of us who are trying to hold their kids back a bit," she says.
So far, she and her husband have resisted letting Natalie get her ears pierced, something many of her friends have already done. Now Natalie is lobbying hard for a cell phone and also wants an iPod.
"Sometimes I just think that maybe, if I got one of these things, I could talk about what they talk about," Natalie says of the kids she deems the "popular ones."
It's an age-old issue. Kids want to fit in — and younger kids want to be like older kids.
But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher — with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Earlier this year, that point hit home when federal officials recommended a vaccine for HPV — a common STD that can lead to cervical cancer — for girls as young as age 9.
"Physically, they're adults, but cognitively, they're children," says Alderman, the physician in New York. She's found that cultural influences have affected her own children, too.
Earlier this year, her 12-year-old son heard the popular pop song "Promiscuous" and asked her what the word meant.
"I mean, it's OK to have that conversation, but when it's constantly playing, it normalizes it," Alderman says.
She observes that parents sometimes gravitate to one of two ill-advised extremes — they're either horrified by such questions from their kids, or they "revel" in the teen-like behavior. As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it's cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as "hottie" on the back.
"Believe me, I'm a very open-minded person. But it promotes a certain way of thinking about girls and their back sides," Alderman says. "A 12-year-old isn't sexy."
With grown-up influences coming from so many different angles — from peers to the Internet and TV — some parents say the trend is difficult to combat.
Claire Unterseher, a mother in Chicago, says she only allows her children — including an 8-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter — to watch public television.
And yet, already, they're coming home from school asking to download songs she considers more appropriate for teens.
"I think I bought my first Abba single when I was 13 or 14 — and here my 7-year-old wants me to download Kelly Clarkson all the time," Unterseher says. "Why are they so interested in all this adult stuff?"
Part of it, experts say, is marketing — and tweens are much-sought-after consumers.
Advertisers have found that, increasingly, children and teens are influencing the buying decisions in their households — from cars to computers and family vacations. According to 360 Youth, an umbrella organization for various youth marketing groups, tweens represent $51 billion worth of annual spending power on their own from gifts and allowance, and also have a great deal of say about the additional $170 billion spent directly on them each year.
Toymakers also have picked up on tweens' interest in older themes and developed toy lines to meet the demand — from dolls known as Bratz to video games with more violence.
Diane Levin, a professor of human development and early childhood at Wheelock College in Boston, is among those who've taken aim at toys deemed too violent or sexual.
"We've crossed a line. We can no longer avoid it — it's just so in our face," says Levin, author of the upcoming book "So Sexy So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood."
Earlier this year, she and others from a group known as the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood successfully pressured toy maker Hasbro to drop plans for a line of children's toys modeled after the singing group Pussycat Dolls.
Other parents, including Clyde Otis III, are trying their own methods.
An attorney with a background in music publishing, Otis has compiled a line of CDs called "Music Talking" that includes classic oldies he believes are interesting to tweens, but age appropriate. Artists include Aretha Franklin, Rose Royce and Blessid Union of Souls.
"I don't want to be like a prude. But some of the stuff out there, it's just out of control sometimes," says Otis, a father of three from Maplewood, N.J.
"Beyonce singing about bouncing her butt all over the place is a little much — at least for an 8-year-old."
In the end, many parents find it tricky to strike a balance between setting limits and allowing their kids to be more independent.
Plante, in California, discovered that a few weeks ago when he and Zach rode bikes to school, as the two of them have done since the first day of kindergarten.
"You know, dad, you don't have to bike to school with me anymore," Zach said.
Plante was taken aback.
"It was a poignant moment," he says. "There was this notion of being embarrassed of having parents be too close."
Since then, Zach has been riding by himself — a big step in his dad's mind.
"Of course, it is hard to let go, but we all need to do so in various ways over time," Plante says, "as long as we do it thoughtfully and lovingly, I suppose."
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Possible shift in Girija's stance against Monarchy
As Girija has more to look back and less to look forward to, he seems to have come to a realization that he can actually do something good for Nepal before he departs the physical realm. It still remains to see what if he has the guts, but if the news below is any indication, it bodes well for Nepal and probably for his legacy.
PM hints at action against king
Kantipur Report
KATHMANDU, Nov 18 - Prime Minister Girija Prasad Koirala on Saturday hinted that actions against King Gyanendra himself were foreseeable, if the High Level Probe Commission (HLPC) report deemed so.
Talking to media persons at his hometown in Biratnagar, PM Koirala informed that the government would investigate the commission's report thoroughly and then would present it before the parliament.
As to the possibility of the king facing actions for his role as the then chairman the council of ministers to suppress the April uprising, the PM declined to make any comment.
Similarly, when asked whether the HLPC report would fare better than the report presented by the Mallik Commission to investigate the atrocities during the 1990 movement, the PM said, "That is the history and it's no use raising the issue again. We will rewrite the history this time."
Stating that the late King Birendra's property would go to a trust while that of King Gyanendra would be nationalised, Koirala added, "Based on this, other things can happen."
The prime minister said that any issue of national concern would be taken very seriously by the government, adding, "The government is prepared to go to any lengths for the welfare of the nation."
Koirala mentioned that the government will definitely take actions against the culprit and added, the government will first make sure whether the offences were committed and that the punishment fits the crime.
According to sources, the PM also said that the Maoists would not be joining the interim government until the process of the cantoning the Maoist militia and arms lockup are incorporated into a definite monitoring mechanism.
"The interim government including them (Maoists) will be set up only after all their arms are locked up otherwise, there will be no interim government," the PM said.
Koirala added the peace accord will be signed on November 21 and the interim constitution will be enforced as per the time schedule after one or two days and only then the government will be formed.
Posted on: 2006-11-18 01:41:34 (Server Time)
PM hints at action against king
Kantipur Report
KATHMANDU, Nov 18 - Prime Minister Girija Prasad Koirala on Saturday hinted that actions against King Gyanendra himself were foreseeable, if the High Level Probe Commission (HLPC) report deemed so.
Talking to media persons at his hometown in Biratnagar, PM Koirala informed that the government would investigate the commission's report thoroughly and then would present it before the parliament.
As to the possibility of the king facing actions for his role as the then chairman the council of ministers to suppress the April uprising, the PM declined to make any comment.
Similarly, when asked whether the HLPC report would fare better than the report presented by the Mallik Commission to investigate the atrocities during the 1990 movement, the PM said, "That is the history and it's no use raising the issue again. We will rewrite the history this time."
Stating that the late King Birendra's property would go to a trust while that of King Gyanendra would be nationalised, Koirala added, "Based on this, other things can happen."
The prime minister said that any issue of national concern would be taken very seriously by the government, adding, "The government is prepared to go to any lengths for the welfare of the nation."
Koirala mentioned that the government will definitely take actions against the culprit and added, the government will first make sure whether the offences were committed and that the punishment fits the crime.
According to sources, the PM also said that the Maoists would not be joining the interim government until the process of the cantoning the Maoist militia and arms lockup are incorporated into a definite monitoring mechanism.
"The interim government including them (Maoists) will be set up only after all their arms are locked up otherwise, there will be no interim government," the PM said.
Koirala added the peace accord will be signed on November 21 and the interim constitution will be enforced as per the time schedule after one or two days and only then the government will be formed.
Posted on: 2006-11-18 01:41:34 (Server Time)
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Religion taken to extreme
Religion has been spewing poison. That is not its original intention. Religion was a creation of humanity in its ignorant phase before the era or enlightenment. Religion is more often than not a tool of control these days, no matter what part of world we observe. Below, I post a news I read from Hindstan Times, an Indian daily. It is about the Muslim cleric getting offended because an actress was not covered like a Muslim woman. I say to them, it is not God who is offended by nudity, it is them. If God were offended, we would all be born wearing clothes.
Notice to Katrina Kaif, Rishi Kapoor
Indo-Asian News Service
Ajmer, November 16, 2006
Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti's dargah committee has decided to issue notice to actress Katrina Kaif for wearing a knee-length skirt inside the dargah premises.
Filming a sequence for Namaste London, which featured Kaif wearing a knee-length skirt inside Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti's dargah in Ajmer, over 140 km from here, had created uproar among 'khadims' (servers) and the shrine administration.
A similar notice has been issued to actor Rishi Kapoor, director Vipul Shah and Babu Bhair Goshi, the shooting arranger for rolling the cameras without taking prior permission of the dargah authority.
The notice reads that all the accused should feel sorry for their act or they would be sued in the court of law.
"We have located the addresses of all the people except that of Katrina, which is being searched by the committee," Dargah Nazim Abdul Alim informed.
As per Islamic traditions, women wearing skimpy outfits are not allowed into the shrine and dargah officials and the Muslim community had taken exception to Kaif's attire.
It may be mentioned here that on Oct 2, while filming a sequence of Namaste London, Kaif had walked into the dargah wearing a knee-length skirt, which had created a ruckus.
Dargah committee vice-president Sayed B. Chisti, while objecting to it, had said it was the duty of office-bearers accompanying the Bollywood team to ensure the sanctity of the shrine.
At the time of controversy, the film's director Vipul Shah had said: "There was no intention of hurting anyone's sentiments or religious feelings. Katrina's attire was in keeping with her role as a London-based NRI. We are even ready to drop the scene from the film."
Notice to Katrina Kaif, Rishi Kapoor
Indo-Asian News Service
Ajmer, November 16, 2006
Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti's dargah committee has decided to issue notice to actress Katrina Kaif for wearing a knee-length skirt inside the dargah premises.
Filming a sequence for Namaste London, which featured Kaif wearing a knee-length skirt inside Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti's dargah in Ajmer, over 140 km from here, had created uproar among 'khadims' (servers) and the shrine administration.
A similar notice has been issued to actor Rishi Kapoor, director Vipul Shah and Babu Bhair Goshi, the shooting arranger for rolling the cameras without taking prior permission of the dargah authority.
The notice reads that all the accused should feel sorry for their act or they would be sued in the court of law.
"We have located the addresses of all the people except that of Katrina, which is being searched by the committee," Dargah Nazim Abdul Alim informed.
As per Islamic traditions, women wearing skimpy outfits are not allowed into the shrine and dargah officials and the Muslim community had taken exception to Kaif's attire.
It may be mentioned here that on Oct 2, while filming a sequence of Namaste London, Kaif had walked into the dargah wearing a knee-length skirt, which had created a ruckus.
Dargah committee vice-president Sayed B. Chisti, while objecting to it, had said it was the duty of office-bearers accompanying the Bollywood team to ensure the sanctity of the shrine.
At the time of controversy, the film's director Vipul Shah had said: "There was no intention of hurting anyone's sentiments or religious feelings. Katrina's attire was in keeping with her role as a London-based NRI. We are even ready to drop the scene from the film."
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